Living God's Dream

When I first made the decision at nine years old to live God's dream, I know that I did not fully understand what it would mean for me to do this. I did not understand what it would cost me in future years or how drastically my life would change. I did not understand the challenges that I would face, but I also was unaware of how amazing it would be to see God's hand at work in the minute details of my life. I could not have comprehended the events that would take place in my life as I fully surrendered every part of myself to him. I could not have known the joy that would fill my own heart as I was truly able to participate in the work of the maker of Heaven and earth-serving as a handmaiden simply responding to the voice and signals of her master. I definitely did not realize how beautiful it would be to see God expand my vision and resources to bring life and hope to the destitute and despairing people of Africa.

When I made the decision as an adult to leave the familiar and comfortable-my teaching position, my family, my friends, my culture, as well as many other things-I could not have known all that such a big resolution would entail. I could not have known the adventure that I would be embarking on. I could not have known the cost that would be paid nor the price that would be gained. I most certainly did not realize all that God was going to release as I stepped out in faith and obedience.

One thing that I did comprehend when I made the decision to go to Uganda, Africa is that "the will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not keep you". I definitely understood that "the safest place to be is in the will of God," and I was fully convinced that when God says go, you follow in obedience. I realized that there was no turning back for me-My life would be changed forever.

My life has changed forever, and I can't wait to return to my new home in Uganda. My heart aches to return to the suffering and neglected children. I long to once more hold as many children as I can in my arms and show them love. I yearn to do more for the abandoned children that I have seen with my own eyes. I am compelled to respond to the cries of the children and people in the villages.

Nevertheless, as I have spent the last two months in America I have also learned even more about what it truly means to live God's dream. I have learned that living God's dream is more about trust and faith than anything else. Living God's dream is about believing God for the impossible and living out that belief in your life every day. It is about choosing faith over fear and victory over defeat. It is about choosing to keep your eyes focused on the one who holds your future instead of on what the future holds.

It is about choosing to trust that God is faithful and trustworthy, even when everything in life seems so much bigger than you are, when everything familiar suddenly becomes unfamiliar, when you take on challenges that you have never faced before, when circumstances don't seem to make sense, or when God sends you down a path that you would not have chosen for yourself. It is about firmly believing that God will always be there for you and that he will provide all that you need-at just the right time- in order for you to fulfill the dream that he has dreamed for you.

I am humbled that God has chosen me to live his dream for the orphans of Uganda, and I am overwhelmed at the realization that God delights in using frail human beings to accomplish his purpose of saving the world. Yet, I have found that there is no greater joy than responding to the call of my master and pursuing the mission for which I was created.

I pray that I will never lose the awe and wonder of the God that I serve and will always delight in doing his will. I pray that I will always remember that it is not my strength, but his power. It is not my adequacy, but his sufficiency. It is not my confidence, but his trustworthiness. It is not my love, but his compassion. It is not my dream, but his vision.

Thank you very much for all of your love, support, and prayers. God is doing so many wonderful things in my life. I give him all of the glory, honor, and praise. He continues to astound me with his goodness. I thank God for the many doors of opportunity that have opened since I have been back in America. I eagerly anticipate even greater things in the days, weeks, and years to come!

Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I endeavor to serve the Lord with all of my heart, soul, strength, and life.


We now have this light (of God) shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
II Corinthians 4:7-10

Worth the Cost

I was in Africa for 4 months, and I absolutely loved my experiences there. I had many opportunities to bring the love of Jesus to others, which is the deep passion of my heart. Nothing brings me more joy and satisfaction than reaching out to the lonely, rejected, burdened, depressed, hopeless, abandoned, sick, and dying people of Africa-especially the children. I do not consider my move to Africa to be a loss at all; instead I see it as an opportunity to gain more than I could ever have imagined. I don't see this change in my life to be a sacrifice; instead, I see it as an honor. I willingly sacrifice my comforts and desires that I might bring more comfort, life and hope to others. I am very thankful to God that I have been given the opportunity not only to live my childhood dream, but also to give children the opportunity to dream.

Every moment that I have spent in Africa and haven't spent in America has been completely worth it. Every sacrifice that I have made to live in Africa has been worth the cost. I have found that if I can make one child smile or laugh, my own heart smiles and sings. If I can hold one child for a few moments and make him or her feel safe and loved, it makes every moment that I have been away from my loved ones in America worthwhile. If I can comfort one child that is hurting and wipe his or her tears away, it is worth every comfort that I have left in America to devote my life to ministry in Africa. If I can give even one homeless child a loving home, it is worth leaving my home in America to find a new home in Africa. If I can bring even one thirsty or dehydrated child a drink of water, it is worth every day that I have to walk to the well and carry a heavy water jug instead of getting water from an American sink. If I can give food to one hungry or starving child, it is worth eating various new foods that I have never eaten before or missing foods that I have always eaten in America. If I can help one abandoned child learn to read or receive an education, it is worth abandoning my teaching career in America and pursuing a new career of service in Africa.

I pray that I will make a tremendous difference in Uganda. I know that the Lord is faithful and that he can help me to produce changes in this nation. I am very eager to continue in the work that God has planned for me. I will be returning to the US for a few months in October, but then I will be returning to Uganda in January. It is my heart's desire to see the dream that God has given me about constructing a children's home be fulfilled, and I pray that it will happen soon because I see so many orphans around me. It breaks my heart to see the deep need that exists here in the village where I am staying, but I know that I can make an impact on these children as I continue to pursue all that God has laid on my heart and reach out to them with the love of the Heavenly father.

It is my prayer that I will soon bring some of these children under my arms and carry them home. I strongly believe and stand firmly in faith that this will come to pass because I serve an awesome God-a God in which nothing is impossible. The bigger the need is-the bigger the miracle!

Called to Love

As I have spent the last four months in Africa, I have realized more than anything that I am called to love. It is my desire to bring hope to the hopeless, rescue the abandoned, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, offer water to the thirsty, and bring education to the illiterate. Yet, I have found that the most important gift that I have to offer the world is love. I have found that our actions make the greatest impact only when they are compelled by a sincere love from deep inside the heart. It may appear easy to drop a coin to a homeless child sitting on the street in a pile of urine, but a deep love and compassion for that child may compel you to hold the child on your lap and pray for him. It may seem easy to toss a coin to a beggar on the street, but true love for that woman may require you to stop and greet her-to take her hand in your hand and look her in the eye-to speak kind words to her and tell her that Jesus loves her. Having a compassionate heart for the hurting may involve experiencing pain in your own heart as you empathize with those less fortunate than yourself. True love will require time and sacrifice, but it will always prove to be worthwhile. It may look different everyday, but it will always be driven by sincere compassion. As Mother Theresa quoted, "It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."It is my desire to carry more love every day. As I reach out to others, I don't want them to just receive something of monetary value. I want them to receive something of eternal value-the love of Christ.
I will share more about my experiences. I am returning to the US tomorrow; therefore, I will have easy access to the computer and internet.
I pray God's blessings on each one of you. Thank you for your love and support.

Fruitfulness and Intimacy

The best way to summarize my time here in Pemba is by quoting the following words of a worship song that we sang at Iris Mission's School.

The more I seek you-the more I find you. The more I find you-the more I love you.

I spent much of my time in Pemba seeking after God and seeking after his heart. This pursuit didn't always look the same, but it was the passion of my heart. Some moments it looked like soaking in the presence of God during worship or hearing his words of truth being expressed through various speakers. Other moments it happened as I quieted my soul near the ocean waves and listened to his voice speak to me through the beauty of nature. Still other moments it happened as I stopped to hold and pray for a child, love the person in front of me, stop to shake the hand of a beggar or lame person, pray for the sick, feel compassion for the needy, or bring a smile to someone's face by taking the time to smile at them (as well as many other ways).

Heidi has continued to emphasize the truth that fruitfulness flows out of intimacy. I have not only heard this truth with my ears, but also with my heart. God has continued to show me that everything that we do should be an expression of our love for the Lord. If we are operating out of pity, obligation, or self satisfaction instead of love, we will not truly offer hurting people what they need. We will not truly be ministering with the heart of Jesus. Galatians 5:6b says, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." As a result of our faith and love in the Lord, we can bring hope to the nations. However, if we miss the importance of being filled with the love of the Lord, we will miss the calling that God has appointed for us. We can only offer the love of Christ, if we passionately pursue loving Jesus with a pure heart and also receive his pure love for us.

As I have spent more time with God this summer, he continues to transform every aspect of my life. I know that there is no turning back, but I am so thankful that he is continuing to change my heart and life so that I can effectively carry Jesus to the world-not out of my strength, but his-not out of my own love, but his.

It is my prayer that we all experience true intimacy with the Lord, and out of that place we bear much fruit.

John 15:4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers. God bless.

A Week of Experiencing God’s Love

This week has been a wonderful week in Mozambique! God continues to bless my life as I get the opportunity to bless the Mozambicans. It has been very rewarding to be here. I greatly enjoy spending time with the people-trying to dance, speak their language, etc. They laugh at me most of the time, and I laugh with them. I find that it t is a wonderful expression of love and friendship. God has definitely given me such a love for the African people. I say that sometimes my heart feels as though it will explode with joy because I am so happy to be in Africa. I praise God for giving me such a love for the people here. I know that God loves these people immensely. I am humbled by the fact that he has chosen me to be a bearer of his love to these people. I pray that wherever I go I will always take Jesus and His love with me. I want to be so full of God’s presence that Jesus is all they see when they look at me.

I have also found that as I love the African people, God has been speaking to me about his love for me. He has really been touching my heart this week with his faithful and unfailing love. It is so beautiful that Jesus love never fails. It is so encouraging to know that no matter what we face or what we do; Jesus will always be there and will never stop loving us.

I have also been challenged to go even deeper in intimacy with Jesus. God has really been speaking to my heart about being his bride. I have always heard of this analogy and read about it in the Bible, but this week God has made it very real to my heart. The king of the universe has chosen me to be his bride. He has chosen me to bestow his grace and love upon. I have been sensing that God wants me to truly commit all of my love and life to him. I have been challenged to place Jesus as my highest priority-even over ministering to the Africans. It is very easy to get busy doing good things for the Lord and not take time to love Jesus and let him love on you. However, we must not forget that in order to always have enough love to give away, we have to be continually filled with Jesus love. If I seek to love or minister to others in my own strength, I will eventually grow tired and weary, and my well of love will run dry. I have to have my well full of the living water that Jesus gives, in order to give that refreshing and reviving water to others.

I pray that the love of Jesus will also be made real to you. I pray that you will feel his love even greater than you have ever felt it before. God bless everyone! Thank you for your love and prayers. I deeply appreciate you.

Taking Jesus to the BUSH, BUSH!

I went on an evangelistic outreach last weekend in the bush, bush. (The reason that they call it the bush, bush is because it is really out in the middle of nowhere.) There are only grass huts, no electricity, and no running water. There were many people in this area who were starving, malnourished, and extremely impoverished. My heart was deeply burdened and broken as I witnessed the needs in this village.

This outreach experience was a very exciting trip! I saw God work in amazing ways during the three days that we were gone. It was also wonderful to see God take all that the enemy intended for harm and use it for good.

One of these situations happened about twenty minutes after we left the IRIS base. We had almost 30 people crowded in the back of our truck, so we blew out a tire as we were driving down the road. (Praise God that it was not one of the main tires, so it didn't cause an accident!)

The first place that we stopped to get the tire fixed temporarily was a small village. While we were waiting for the tire to get fixed, we began praying for people to get healed. There was a lady who had a knee and back problem. We prayed for her, and she got healed. She also did not know Jesus. We shared God's love with her, and she accepted Christ into her heart. You could see the joy in her face as she moved her leg freely. Then another lady came who could not see clearly out of her one eye. We prayed for her, and her vision improved. A third lady had a problem with her kidneys. After we prayed for her, she told us that she felt better than she had been feeling. We believe God for total recovery in the near future.

We had to stop at a second place to fix the tire properly. This time a quadriplegic was brought to us for prayer. We all prayed for him very intensely. As we were praying, we did not see him healed, but I do believe that God's love was made real to him that day. While I was praying, God laid it on my heart to wash this man's feet. One of the Mozambican interpreters helped pour water on his feet while I washed. This was a very sacred moment for me. It really touched my heart. I prayed and wept as I washed his feet. I was very thankful that I was given the opportunity to show God's love to this man. When we left, the man thanked me for washing his feet, and he had a smile on his face.

One of the things that I have found to be very difficult in praying for healing is that if their illness isn't cured, I feel as though I have not given them anything.

However, on this trip, God has been showing me that healing in the heart is just as important as physical healing. Everyone needs to be touched by God's love, and God's love is a gift that I can always give to the sick. I can always give them a taste of Jesus and his love.

When we arrived at our destination, we were able to have a service that night for the people of the village. We shared the gospel message through a drama and testimonies. Then one of the IRIS people preached a sermon. There was an altar call at the end of the service. We prayed for people to receive Jesus and also prayed for the sick.

I was able to pray for many people. Most of the people that I prayed for seemed to have headaches or stomach pain. I didn't always have a translator, so sometimes I had to guess about what the problem was by where they pointed on their bodies. Almost all of the people told the translator that they felt better or gave me some hand signal to say that they were feeling better after I prayed for them.

I must share that this was the first time that I have really engaged in healing ministry, but I can say that I truly did feel the power of God upon me as I prayed for people. I have never experienced anything like this. This weekend I was able to see three people walk, who had not walked for a long time. It was an amazing experience for me. I was filled with joy as I continued to pray for people. I also saw many people be filled with joy in their hearts. I belive that God's love touched people's hearts and that they experienced inner healings as well.

The second day I was able to pray for more people and lead 4 people to Christ who had never heard about Jesus. There was also a baptismal service for the people who got saved the night before.

I will end this blog with two stories that touched my heart the most. The first one is about a lady named Julietta. She was an elderly lady that was extremely malnourished. You could clearly see her bones through her body, and she had tattered clothes. My heart was deeply moved as I looked at her. I asked the interpreter if he would ask Julietta if I could pray for her. She said that I could. I sat down in the dirt with her and began to pray for her. I then asked the interpreter to ask her if she knew Jesus. She said that she didn't know about him, but she would love for me to tell her about him. I shared about Jesus and what he had done for my life. Then I asked her if she wanted to ask Jesus into her heart. She said. "Yes." After I finished praying for her, she told the translator that she was very sad before I came and prayed, but now she was very happy. I could tell from her facial expressions that a change had truly taken place. She also told the translator that she knew that Jesus was here. I was so touched that I began to cry tears of joy. This experience blessed my life immensely! I give all glory and honor to God for his faithful love and compassion. It is a beautiful thing to see the love of Jesus bringing hope to the despairing. During on final service the next day, I danced with Julietta. It was such a joyful experience. We laughed throughout the whole experience. (The Africans always laugh at me when I dance with them. I am going to try to get one of the Africans to give me dance lessons so I can improve my dancing skills.)

The last story I want to tell is about an infant that I prayed for. I was not sure what was wrong with her, but I knew that she was very sick. I could feel that she had a fever, and her mother pointed to the baby's head and stomach. I began to pray for her. I sensed that I should ask the mother to hold the child in my arms. I found an interpreter to ask the mother if it was fine for me to do this. The mother agreed. I held the little baby in my arms and prayed fervently for her. I imagined that it was Jesus who was holding her and continued to pray for healing. I rocked her in my arms for about five minutes as I prayed. Then I felt her forehead. Her fever was completely gone! I was so excited that I shouted for joy. Then I gave her back to her mother. Her mother was also very happy!

I praise God for being so good and faithful. He is truly an awesome God!

The final thing that I want to share about this outreach is that I had another opportunity to experience the compassion of God's heart. As I looked into the people's eyes and touched them and hugged them, my heart broke so many times. I continued to pray that I would look at them with Jesus' eyes of love and compassion. I believe that God answered this prayer because even now I still can remember the desperation in their faces and my heart hurts for the great needs that so many of them have. I pray that God will continue to send people to come and help those who are needy and have little hope (both pysically and spiritually). There are needy people all around us, but we have to let Jesus' love and compassion capture our hearts so that we are compelled to bring life to others and to search for the treasures that exist in the darkness.

I have personally been challenged to keep opening up my heart to Jesus so that his love will abudnantly pour out of my life.

Beauty in Brokenness

Beauty and broken are two words that do not seem to belong together-especially in a world that focuses on fixing impurities and covering imperfections. Our society has trained us to reject the imperfect or incomplete and always fix what is broken. As a perfectionist, I personally have struggled to attain a high standard of excellence and have applied much pressure on myself to be strong and without flaw. Yet, God continues to challenge the mindsets that have bound me for so long. This process began a few years ago, but continues to intensify, especially now that I am in Pemba.

In fact, one morning as I was walking along the beach, God vividly spoke to me about the beauty that exists in brokenness. As I was praying and walking along the beach, my foot kicked something in the sand. I knelt down to look at what I had kicked. When I picked up the object, I saw a brightly colored seashell. The colors were so exquisite that I determined that it was the most beautiful seashell that I had ever seen. Yet, I also noticed that the shell was broken and part of it was missing. I thought to myself, "I don't want to keep this shell because it is broken. I want to keep a shell that is whole," so I threw it back in the sand.

A few minutes later, as my friend and I were walking back to the base, my friend showed me a shell that she had found. She asked me, "Isn't it beautiful?" "Yes, it is." I replied. Then I said, "I also found one that was very beautiful, but it was broken."

The moment that these words came out of my mouth I began to weep uncontrollably. Immediately God quickened my heart and spirit and spoke to me about the beauty that he sees in my brokenness. It was as though he was saying to me, "I see your brokenness, but I also see immense beauty. I delight in your brokenness."

God used this small object lesson to reiterate a key principle about the kingdom of God. It says in Psalm 51:17, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

So many times we look at our lives and think we need to fix up ourselves in order for God to use us. We think that our flaws and weaknesses will prevent God from completing his work in and through our lives. We keep our eyes on our inadequacies; instead of focusing on Jesus.

However, God does not focus on our weaknesses. At the moments that we are the weakest, he is the strongest. He wants us to come before him as we are and ask him to help us. He doesn't want people who find strength in themselves. He wants people who will die to themselves and fully rely on his strength. As we present our broken selves before him, he can then complete us and make us whole-only then can his love and power flow freely through us.

God has continued to remind me that I can do nothing without him. Everyday I need to ask him to empower me, strengthen me, and give me more wisdom and love. It is out of my brokenness that the true beauty of Jesus can shine brightly. He receives all of the glory for everything that I do because I know that without him I could never act, love, and serve others the way that I should.

God wants me to need him so desperately that I do nothing on my own strength. If I don't see myself as broken-always needing him to make me complete-I will not be an image bearer of Jesus. I pray that my heart and life will always be soft and broken before the Lord. I pray that I will always see that I am in desperate need of Jesus. Jesus is the only one who can make me whole. Lord, give me a humble and contrite heart, and "may I go lower still"-as Heidi says so many times when she preaches.

Since I have arrived in Pemba, one of the scriptures that Heidi continues to emphasize is the beatitude: Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. She has been talking to us about developing the attitude that we are poor in ourselves and that we desperately need Jesus to help us. She told us that her experiences with the poor taught her invaluable lessons about true Christianity. One of these lessons was the following: As it is with the poor, unless we are fed by the word and presence of God, we will die.

As I was feeding thousands of hungry people this weekend, I could see the desperation and longing for food in their faces. I was challenged to ask myself, "Do I have that kind of intense hunger for more of Jesus? Does my heart reflect desperation for more the bread of life and living water that Jesus has to offer me?" I sincerely pray that it does and always will.

I also pray that Jesus will give each one of us a burning hunger for more of him.

Amen

First Week in Mozambique

I have spent one week in Mozambique now. It is very beautiful here-in more ways than one. IRIS Ministries is located directly across from Pemba beach. The ocean is gorgeous. Nevertheless, you still find differences from American beaches. You cannot just sit on the beach in the afternoon and pray and think because at least one African man is going to sit down and talk to you. (When you are white, privacy is very difficult to find in Africa!)

Yet, the beach is not the most beautiful thing that I find here. The loveliest part of my experience here has been the refreshing presence of God. My heart has been so deeply moved as God sings over me each day. My prayer is that my hunger and desire for more of God is never quenched. The beautiful thing about God’s presence is-The more we experience, the more we long to experience it. The burning desire of my heart is for God to love on me and for me to love on Him. I know that the only way to find true joy and satisfaction is to be fully satisfied in God. I also know that I will only love others with God’s love as God fills me with his love. I am continually challenged with this thought, “What would Jesus do at this moment to show God’s love to a lost and dying world?” I pray that God fills me with his love so that each moment I love as Jesus would love.

I have been attending classes every day until 1:00. Heidi Baker has instructed us twice since I have been here. She truly is an amazing woman. I am so blessed to be here. It is an honor and privilege to study under her. I know that I am going to learn so much from her.

God has continually been speaking to my heart since I have arrived. I find that he again is challenging my heart and my perspectives on life.