Beauty in Brokenness

Beauty and broken are two words that do not seem to belong together-especially in a world that focuses on fixing impurities and covering imperfections. Our society has trained us to reject the imperfect or incomplete and always fix what is broken. As a perfectionist, I personally have struggled to attain a high standard of excellence and have applied much pressure on myself to be strong and without flaw. Yet, God continues to challenge the mindsets that have bound me for so long. This process began a few years ago, but continues to intensify, especially now that I am in Pemba.

In fact, one morning as I was walking along the beach, God vividly spoke to me about the beauty that exists in brokenness. As I was praying and walking along the beach, my foot kicked something in the sand. I knelt down to look at what I had kicked. When I picked up the object, I saw a brightly colored seashell. The colors were so exquisite that I determined that it was the most beautiful seashell that I had ever seen. Yet, I also noticed that the shell was broken and part of it was missing. I thought to myself, "I don't want to keep this shell because it is broken. I want to keep a shell that is whole," so I threw it back in the sand.

A few minutes later, as my friend and I were walking back to the base, my friend showed me a shell that she had found. She asked me, "Isn't it beautiful?" "Yes, it is." I replied. Then I said, "I also found one that was very beautiful, but it was broken."

The moment that these words came out of my mouth I began to weep uncontrollably. Immediately God quickened my heart and spirit and spoke to me about the beauty that he sees in my brokenness. It was as though he was saying to me, "I see your brokenness, but I also see immense beauty. I delight in your brokenness."

God used this small object lesson to reiterate a key principle about the kingdom of God. It says in Psalm 51:17, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

So many times we look at our lives and think we need to fix up ourselves in order for God to use us. We think that our flaws and weaknesses will prevent God from completing his work in and through our lives. We keep our eyes on our inadequacies; instead of focusing on Jesus.

However, God does not focus on our weaknesses. At the moments that we are the weakest, he is the strongest. He wants us to come before him as we are and ask him to help us. He doesn't want people who find strength in themselves. He wants people who will die to themselves and fully rely on his strength. As we present our broken selves before him, he can then complete us and make us whole-only then can his love and power flow freely through us.

God has continued to remind me that I can do nothing without him. Everyday I need to ask him to empower me, strengthen me, and give me more wisdom and love. It is out of my brokenness that the true beauty of Jesus can shine brightly. He receives all of the glory for everything that I do because I know that without him I could never act, love, and serve others the way that I should.

God wants me to need him so desperately that I do nothing on my own strength. If I don't see myself as broken-always needing him to make me complete-I will not be an image bearer of Jesus. I pray that my heart and life will always be soft and broken before the Lord. I pray that I will always see that I am in desperate need of Jesus. Jesus is the only one who can make me whole. Lord, give me a humble and contrite heart, and "may I go lower still"-as Heidi says so many times when she preaches.

Since I have arrived in Pemba, one of the scriptures that Heidi continues to emphasize is the beatitude: Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. She has been talking to us about developing the attitude that we are poor in ourselves and that we desperately need Jesus to help us. She told us that her experiences with the poor taught her invaluable lessons about true Christianity. One of these lessons was the following: As it is with the poor, unless we are fed by the word and presence of God, we will die.

As I was feeding thousands of hungry people this weekend, I could see the desperation and longing for food in their faces. I was challenged to ask myself, "Do I have that kind of intense hunger for more of Jesus? Does my heart reflect desperation for more the bread of life and living water that Jesus has to offer me?" I sincerely pray that it does and always will.

I also pray that Jesus will give each one of us a burning hunger for more of him.

Amen