Mixed Emotions

My return to Kyenjojo has been both exciting and overwhelming. I cannot express the joy that filled my heart as I attended my first service in two and a half months at God's Care Church. As I looked at the faces of all of my friends and especially the children heard the familiar voices and African songs, witnessed their exuberant dancing, and felt the strong presence of the Lord, I could not fight back the tears. These tears were tears of jubilation. I was so thankful to be back! As I stood to address the people, my voice choked and the tears again flowed. I did not expect to feel such strong emotions, but I know they came from the deep love inside my heart for these people.

It is truly beautiful to see how God has connected my heart to these people who live so far from where I grew up. It is incomprehensible to me how strongly my heart is drawn to this area. Even the people in the hospital in Kampala expressed their amazement for my love for Kyenjojo. They would say, "You and Kyenjojo. You must really love that place." I do love this area with all of my heart. I truly can say of Kyenjojo, "There is no place like home," because "Home is where the heart is."

On the other hand, I shed tears of sorrow and pain as I looked at many of our children at God's Care Church and was again faced with their numerous needs. Although I have spent one and a half years living in Uganda, I can say that the suffering of the African people and children still astounds me. I really cannot imagine what daily life is like for them or how much pain they endure throughout their lifetimes. When you look at their faces, their clothes, their bodies, and especially their eyes, you can only imagine what they have been forced to endure by no choice of their own. As I have returned to work, the many challenges and needs of the Ugandan children and people are again brought before me. For example, just this week these issues have come up. 1. A 13-year-old girl had to miss school on Monday to go get AIDS medication for her very sick mother. She came requesting transport money so she could travel 9 miles to a nearby village where it was offered for free. 2. The same girl has received counseling to address her question, "What if my mother dies?" She has been advised that she will be the one to care for her four younger brothers and sisters when it happens so she will need to work very hard to grow food for the family. (There are no adults staying with the children other than the sick mother.) 3. A boy of 7 is caned because he hasn't been going to school. When further investigation is done to see why he doesn't want to attend school, it is discovered that the reason is because he is hungry. He said, "The only meal I eat is supper. When I wake up in the morning there is no food, and it is very hard to sit in school all day without eating." At least if I stay home, I can find some little food. (Him and his two brothers age two and five look for small sweet potatoes in their garden or steal some from nearby neighbors' gardens. The mother and grandmother are both gone throughout the day, leaving all of these children to care for themselves.) 3. One of our sponsored childrens' mother's has come to ask for help because she fears her house is going to fall down. (We have many families in this area in the same situation.) 4. An older woman came to our house this morning saying she has been chased from where she was living and has no place to stay.

God continues to break my heart for these people. I have asked God to help me never grow cold or indifferent to their needs. I don't want to get used to hearing or seeing these situations. I want to hurt each time because if I feel no pain, I may not move in compassion and may lose my passion to bring hope to this nation. God continues to answer my prayer, but he does it through various ways. Even during my illnesses in Kampala, I was once again challenged regarding the suffering of others. I look at Uganda through different eyes because of the circumstances I personally had to endure. (Sometimes I wonder if my illnesses are part of my compassion training.) In these eyes, there is some sense of empathy and understanding because I too have had to endure pain and illness. But the sympathy is even greater because I know in the midst of my pain, I at least was given the opportunity to be treated in a hospital and did not have to walk miles to receive this service. I could rest in a bed, not on a hard dirt floor. I could ride in a car to the hospital for delivery, not in a taxi, motorcycle, bicycle, or no vehicle at all.

As I drive or walk on Uganda's bumpy roads and/or wait in numerous traffic jams, I look at the people through unveiled eyes and think about them with a renewed mind and compassionate heart. I once again find myself fighting back the tears and having a renewed urgency to do all I can to alleviate the suffering of others. I may not be able to solve all of the problems of Uganda or give assistance to each needy person, but I am determined to improve the lives of all I can. I have wholeheartedly resolved to commit my life to give new life to others.

The Power of Love

Here are two stories of love penetrating through communication, as well as other barriers, and making a difference in my life and the lives of others.

1. Pastor Victor and I chose to take in two orphans and begin caring for them from our home. Our hearts had been touched with compassion as we heard about the physical, emotional, and mental abuse they were enduring simply because they were orphans. We felt a special connection to them when we first met and saw great potential in them. We wanted to offer them a better life and future.

When we first took them in, it was especially difficult for me because I could only speak short conversations with them. They also seemed so independent and distant in some ways. It did not seem to matter if they received special love from us or not. When we would come home, they did not even seem to be very excited. Even in the times that I would travel to Kampala for doctor's appointments, they did not seem to miss me. It seemed that all they needed was a safe place to live and food to eat. I tried to remind myself that they were not accustomed to receiving tender love and probably did not know how to respond. I understood that it had to also be difficult for them to communicate to me because of their limited English vocabulary. (Although Pastor Victor had mentioned to me that they were not responsive to him either.)

I continued to pray that God would help these children feel loved in a special way and that the love they received from Pastor Victor and I would change their lives. I decided to do as much as I could to show them love, even if they did not react to it or seem to appreciate it. I would tell them I loved them before they went to bed, and they would laugh. I would tell them I missed them, but they would only smile or cover their faces. I would give them a hug, but they would simply act very shy. I would try to speak what I could to them and show them that I cared, but it did not seem to be making a difference.

Then one night (It was actually the night I returned from Kampala after being admitted in the hospital for the first time.), I saw a glimpse of hope as the boy expressed his heart to me. I had come into the house, but neither of the children greeted me or acted happy to see me. I greeted them, but I was feeling quite sad because it did not seem they missed me even a little bit. Later that night, when the boy and I were sitting in our living room, he looked at me and spoke these words in very clear English. "Thank you for coming back. I love you so much. I kept wondering, 'When is Abooki coming back?' I now feel much joy in my heart." I could not believe my ears. I was so touched I wanted to cry! I realized that I had made some impact on this child's life, and he did care for me. I said a very thankful prayer to God for this special moment and asked that He would send many more like it.

2. Due to health reasons, I have been away from Kyenjojo for over a month. I decided to call one of the ladies in the church just to see how she was doing. When I called her, she sounded very happy to hear from me. We only talked for a couple of minutes, but the joy that filled my heart as I heard her excitement lasted all evening. Then, shortly before I fell asleep I received a message on my phone that brought even greater delight to my heart. It said, "Though I don't visit you a lot, neither talk much to you, I do love you mommy. I miss you, and I pray for you always. Hope to meet you soon. God bless you mommy. (In Uganda, Pastors' wives are considered to be mothers to everyone in the congregation.)"

In this short message love was communicated more vividly to me than other messages or letters with many words. Once again, I find myself learning more about love. I learned… The value of loving others cannot be measured. The method of loving others cannot be clearly defined. It has no method or formula--it has to be a part of you. As love lives inside of you, it is freely expressed outside of you. You embrace others not just with your hands, but with your eyes, your ears, your words, your face, your heart, your actions, and your life. Finally, as you continue to freely give love to others, you find that somehow, somewhere, love is given back to you.  May God help us all live a life of love that we may leave permanent footprints on the hearts of others.